i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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