there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
