if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
