Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
