I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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