I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
