Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
