last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am mentally ready for anal.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
