i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
