i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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