dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
