Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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