I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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