In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Drunk is not a location!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
