**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
