I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
