i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i will never coherently bang her
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
