he shaved USA in his pubs
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
