How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
