You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
