i jhust puked up my retainher.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
