I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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