as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wish I only lived at night.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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