I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i came on her dog
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
