Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
