my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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