I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize