Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Randomize
