Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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