Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
