Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
