dude i'm inner monologue high
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
