So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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