yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
