Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
