He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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