You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
