roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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