He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
