I wannas sexs uuuuu
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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