i just had sex bonerless
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I will be naked everywhere
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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