Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
