she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
