I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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