i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
