I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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