Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
