I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
