Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
