you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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