i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
