The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I deserve this hangover.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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