My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
