If i come over, it means nothing
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
