The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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