it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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