Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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