You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
