im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
