I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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