I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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