Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
