Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
