I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
