remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
