Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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