i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize