I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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