Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
