No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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