YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
