I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
