Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
