I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
