Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize