Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My bed smells like the plague
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
