dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
